How I live, A day in the life of a troll

From: GreyCloud (cumuluss_at_mist.com)
Date: 12/08/03

  • Next message: John Bailo: "Re: How I live, A day in the life of a troll" 
    Date: Sun, 7 Dec 2003 16:21:04 -0800 (PST)

    A day in the life of a troll

    5:00am: Beat off again.

    5:01am: Go back to sleep

    7:05am: Alarm rings. Hit snooze.

    7:10am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

    7:15am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

    7:20am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

    7:25am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

    7:30am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

    9:00am: Wake up to realize alarm was shut off instead of snooze. Now
    I know that I am late for work.

    9:05am: Sex with my sister. hey she was my first.
    Actually, she has been my only. No one else will touch me (mental note to
    self - take more than one bath every two weeks).

    9:15am: Dress fast, put on paper hat to report to Burger King.

    9:20am: get to work and bitched at all day by 17 year old kid for a
    boss.

    5:00pm: Get home. Burp burger, thinking of the shambles that I
    call my life.

    5:10pm:My Mom comes up and slaps me. Hard too. It
    hurt and I cried out, "Damn it ....what the hell is your problem. I didn't
    go to sleep til 3am, I need to get some sleep now" She reminds me that I am
    babysitting my retarded sister (Retardness runs in our family. Thank goodness it didn't
    skip me). Oh crap. I had some serious plans. Newsgroup plans. Damn it.

    5:15pm: Get on line. Go through messages from comp.os.linux.advocacy I am
    trolling. Find messages in response to my prior posts.

    5:20pm: Giggle as I think about the other person being all pissed
    off.

    5:21pm: Suddenly I remember the mail and see if the PKB's or
    IKYABWAI's I ordered came in.

    5:22pm: Seeing they did not, I do the best I can, and post with my four word vocabulary to demolish them.
    After all, people are still astonished and bow to my superior intelligence when I
    yell "Sweaty Balmer, Billy-***-Crust, wintroll, and guffaw!!!", it really has them beat, now everyone
    is emailing me asking me to *** off, they must be jealous of my superior vocabulary.

    5:23pm: I pat yourself on the back for causing mental anguish all
    over the world with my posts.

    5:24pm: I see someone went and dared to try to top me by being
    clever so I trash their ability and say they are not funny.

    5:25pm: I work on a post that is a tirade of multiple responses.

    6:30pm: I hit the post button patting myself on the back for
    being so clever.

    7:00pm: Someone accuses me of not having a girlfriend. I post a
    pic snagged from alt.pics.girlfriend and claim she is mine.

    7:10pm: I check messages on alt.sex.bestiality for real
    stimulation.

    7:20pm: I check messages on your server and respond to 210
    accusations of net abuse by saying I were only joking.

    8:00pm: What's up with all these people laughing at me when I say that I use Solaris?
    That sparked laughter all over the group, someone said that I don't have enough brain
    cells to run solaris, I told him hey I can use my dad's computer, and it has solaris installed, so who
    are you calling stupid?

    9:00pm: I go into all the groups and respond to everyone I
    suspect of filing the reports of net abuse with insults.

    9:10pm: I loose your connection in the middle of posting.
    Infuriated, I call my ISP and complain for an hour, getting restored
    service by saying the abuse was due to my "son" and after
    I promise to keep him off the computer from now on as I only
    use it for work.

    10:20pm: I leave more posts to people you suspect of turning in
    net abuse reports.

    10:30pm: Someone leaves a message saying what I said upset them a
    lot. I laugh and leave an even worse post knowing they will
    cry when they read it.

    10:31pm: A guy who really pisses me off left a superior post to
    mine so I call him a ***.

    10:40pm: I get a response asking why I did not respond with
    something relevant to the conversation so I check his
    history and post a *** response to everything he has ever
    posted including his original in alt.test.

    1:00am: I notice the time and realize I need to get some sleep.

    1:15am: A guy in a tech group complains that I am disrupting to the
    group and looses his cool, calls me name so I turn in an abuse
    report on him.

    2:00am: I troll the group alt.troll but get out fast when I
    realize I am outclassed.

    2:30: Saw my sister laying there and decided to roll her over in
    her sleep and do her. Couldn't get it up. Same thing happened to me all damn
    day. I know I said I did her and got her to give me a bj, but I lied. I
    couldn't get it up then either. I almost got it up when Dad did me in the
    ass, but couldn't quite muster a full fledged 4 inch woody. Oh well, maybe
    next time.

    3:00am: I notice the time and realize I need to get some sleep.

    3:20am: I troll at.fan.country.music but leave because you
    realize I am outclassed again.

    3:30am: I go back and read all that I posted and giggle over
    causing so much mental anguish with my hard work, pat myself on
    the back for a job well done.

    3:45am: One more blowjob from my sister. I would give her head
    more often if she would only clean her skankyness out every once and awhile.

    4:00am: I finally shut down the computer and collapse into bed
    with print out of the picture from alt.pics.girlfriend and beat off.

    4:01am: I fall asleep.

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